Good times, Bad Times

This very nice Rolling Stones inspired Title is of course totally irrelevand as today I am only going to share good news. Just as the equally Stones inspired motto of my life ‘you can’t always get what you want’ but then again ‘don’t you worry try a little harder’ my life never seems to be easy and yet it never is so bad that I would like to change it radically. I hope I did not manage to totally confudse you now. And in case you wonder what it good about the above, well nothining really, just wanted to share the philosophy of some very wrinkly old men, whom I admire greatly. But here follow the good bits:

I finally managed to finish that d*** chapter, complete with footnotes, bibliography and ready to be handed in for my annual review which will take place on June17. I don’t know why so early, considering the fact that my second year only begins October4. But, of course all the bureaucrats want to fiddle with the documents as well and this gives them a good chance to have done so by the end of August, so that I can re-register in September. But the important thing is, ’tis done! I am so glad that I can finally move on to something else. Not that I will not come back to this chapter. It is after all only a draft, but a change of scenes from the 15th to the 19th century will do me good. I really enjoyed reading all about the history of the time, but in the end I was also quite confused because some bits of the histories were quite repetitive, whereas others weren’t and I could never remember which said what and why. So on to new adventures now!

Also, it is not long till summer now, meaning; I will soon be attending 2 weddings and 2 conferences (sounds like this could be the title of another odd movie ) I will go home and see my family after more than a year. I will miss Ben and Maya loads and loads of course but a bit of excitement will do me good.

And that’s it. Lot’s of pleasant prospects. Life’s good after all.

Ups and Downs

Finally I have the end of this chapter in sight. I am sure that I will finish it next week at the latest- a first draft that is. Of course I will have to put in a continuous effort in improving and completing it, as well as the others. But with the end so close, I finally feel a bit freer and actually look forward t the next chapter, which my supervisor says will be a lot easier than this one. He said the same thing about this chapter as compared to the previous one, so I am not so sure if I am going to believe him. But I am sure that a change of topic will do me good.

 

In our house things are weird at the moment. Our downstairs neighbour’s flat has been broken into last week. Which of course does not make us feel any safer here even though we decided to move in summer (when the lease is up). We try to comfort ourselves and make fun of the situation in bringing to our minds that all our electric appliances have German plugs and are quite old into the bargain and thus any potential burglars will not be too happy with what they might find in our flat. We just try to take things as they come at the moment, but more and more things seem to happen, that make it clear for us that we will not stay here beyond the PhD which would have been possible in the original plan. Now we keep ourselves going by telling us that it will not be longer than the end of next year before we finally can return home.

 

With this I am of course not trying to dissuade anybody from moving here. The University is excellent and the programmes of study and support are great. Only the circumstances do not seem to turn out right in our particular situation. We miss our friends, sociable outings, for which we do not seem to find the time or the money (yes even students are not excluded from the Credit Crunch), and our families, the garden at home, the countryside…We are just not made to live in the city and this was probably a very important lesson we learned here and something that helped us to decide where we want to live in the far away future. So even if the overall experience for us does not seem to be paradisiacal, we learned many things that will be important to us in future times.

Happy New Year

With the first half of January almost over (can you believe it) I finally wish everybody a very happy new year! Again I have to apologise for a very long silence. But this is the first year in which I  ever thought  of some good intentions for the next year and -surprise surprise- blogging on a more regular basis is one of them. Well, I guess by March we’ll see how it goes.

So, what happened in the meantime? I have realized that sometimes reading too much is not good for you. And I do not mean that in a counteracademic way. Of course reading is very important, especially for a degree in literature, but if you read too much and take notes and notes and notes and finally you just lose it. Now guess who lost it???

Right, so I read a lot, took a lot of notes and when I finally sat down to write the chapter, I just sat and stared and sat and stared but of course the srceen did’t tell me what to write. And it was not that I was blocked either. My mind was no blank. Instead it was full of so many ideas that I just didn’t know where to start. Luckily then I had to write a conference paper which greatly distracted me from the actual work on the chapter. The conference took place in early January. Another huge international conference at which all the ‘grown up’s’ as I like to call them and their wide knowledge of basically everything greatly impressed and at the same time really scared me. But my paper was received well (probably due to only one person in the audience knowing only one of the three texts I was talking about). And I am convinced that my talking skills are improving and that I am stuttering less while presenting the paper. And if I say that about myself it must be true.

A funny thing that happened there was somebody asking me for the way or something and my reply started with ‘Aye,…’ Imagine how they stared at me. Amazingly I never thought I would adapt to the Scottish lingo so quickly, understanding it yes, but actively using it…well, there you go. After the presentation I was even told, that my English now even sounds a bit Scottish. Do you think congratulations are in order??? I just keep wondering how people who come to Scotland to learn English get on in the world…any thoughts?

So, the conference went well and now I will have to have another go at the chapter. So wish me luck. I need it as another of my good intentions is to have 3 more chapters ready until the next annual review. I don’t know How I got that idea, but as I intend to be done by the end of 2010, I probably should get going.

Before the conferenc two important days were celebrated. The birth of Christ which I mainly spent in bed…no not because I am exceptionally lazy these days…but because I was struck down with a sever case of the flu. So severe indeed, that on the 24th the manager at work sent me away from the tills so as not to have too much customer contact (she wanted to protect the customers from my running nose, not me from the customers…) and my assistant manager repeatedly asked me if I wanted to go home. Funnily enough, I still felt quite good then. But as soon as I got home and had three days off my body decided that now was a good time to knock me out. So I spent Christmas drinking tea (I even had to make a pass on the mulled wine my mum had sent me) and contemplating the lights  of our beautiful Christmas tree from the sofa where I lay wrapped in a blanket… But safe your compassion, after only 3 weeks I finally got rid of my running nose and now everything is back on track. After all that fortune cookie I ate said ’soon you’ll be sitting on top of the world.’ which I thought sounded really good at least until Ben said, ‘but it’s really cold on Mount Everest’. Which of course is worth some consideration.

And then we celebrated the arrival of the new year. And what a year it is going to be with Obama Barack becoming the first Afro-American president of the United States, the Credit Crunch being actively fought by several nations, Russia being a madhouse and the Israelis and Palestinians fighting on and on and on….and this only to name but a few…

Let’s hope that despite all this it is going to be a good year for all of us. Productive, successful, peaceful and harmonious and that some leaders of the world finally decide just that for their own countries.

So again, I wish every single one of you a very happy new year!!!!

After a long silence….

I am really sorry that I have been silent for so long. But nothing much has happened or changed in my life. Except that my frustration is growing. I applied for several jobs in and around the university just so that I could be closer to the library and wouldn’t have to travel around the world anymore to get from my job to my studying. But obviously there is no such luck. I expected to be declined for the teaching job I have mentioned in my last blog and so I did. As I expected it, I wasn’t too disappointed. But I applied for several other jobs and was not even invited for an interview. Most of them did not require specific experience or only experience I had acquired, so I did not really understand the ’sorry there were several other applicants who matched our criteria better’ bit of the letters I got in return. I start to feel that it is my being a non-native speaking foreigner that influences my employability and if this should really be the case I’d find it incredibly sad.

On the other hand, my social life is not improving either. This is mostly due to my lack of time, the distance I live from Glasgow and studying part-time. I would love to get involved in esharp, but as I could work up to 5.30 each day of the week (and the rotas change every week) I would be likely to miss most of the meetings. I thought of getting involved in the SRC but then again the same problem would arise, I would most likely not make it to the meetings, which would be rather pointless as attendance is a requirement. But for me undfortunately work has to come first (well really studying has) as I am still self-funded, so I do not ask for a day off unless it is for a conference or something of equal importance. Then I had the chance to finally meet people at the postgraduate reception of the English Literature department, but a migraine confined me to my bed instead of the research club. The next day the e-mentors had a get together at the same venue but I had to work. This all adds up to growing frustrations. Especially as I start to suspect that I might not finish my PhD project in the time frame I have set for it. Achieving this aim would probably have made it worthwhile cutting out all other aspects of my life. But as it is frustrations are growing.

The only good thing that happened during the last couple of weeks is a Personal Development Planning workshop I attended, during which I realized that I have a fairly good idea of where I am and where I want to be in two years time and thereafter. This cheered me up a little, as well as the fact that due to paying for my studies myself, I seem a lot more motivated than most of my fellow students.

So it is not all bad. And I am looking very much forward to Christmas, and pre-Christmas baking. This will cheer me up some more, and as I don’t intend to give up that easily, you will have to bear with me for quite another while!

I hope everybody else is enjoying the new term and the beautifully remodelled Hetherington Research Club. I think they’ve done a really great job and I hope that I will spend more time there than I did last year.

Global Networking

This weekend I attended my second ever conference. The title was ‘Contesting Creativity 1740-1830.’ So this time it was really and not only vaguely connected with my subject area, Romanticism. I presented a paper with the title ‘The Last Man: Society, Solitude and Creativity.’ It went quite well, although I was really tired, as the night before some very rude people were shouting at each other in front of our hotel and keeping me and probably the rest of the street awake. I was although very nervous- I always am- and accordingly stuttering my way through it. The questions I got asked where all right, except for one, which I should have expected but didn’t, and this one was gender related. I don’t know why, but I seem to be developing an aversion to gender studies. So I just answered that I try to avoid gender and to my surprise, they liked that

In total this conference had two effects on me: on the one hand it was absolutely inspiring and made me want to know more and more. On the other hand I was quite overwhelmed by all the ‘grown-ups’ and important people. It made me feel really small and rather insignificant. And I was again painfully aware that my English is not as good as I’d wish it to be.

That I am either working or studying all the time does not seem to help either, as networking is quite an important part of conferences, and I do, as a consequence of the above, not really know any more how to socialize properly. This really makes my life sound dreadfully sad.

But knowing myself this kind of depressing mood will not last too long and once it is put aside I will just get back to normal and try to do the best I can. I think this is all I can really hope for, as there is really no point in setting oneself goals that are totally unachievable.

One curiosity of the conference I would like to share: I was in a panel with a fully grown US Colonel who is deputy head of department of the School of English (if I remember correctly) in West Point. After the papers he told me that he really enjoyed my paper. I thought that was rather impressive. More positive criticism included that the paper is ahead of the stage I am actually at. So maybe it just feels as if I still knew nothing but in reality I do know at least a little something…

What was probably the best thing about the week end, was that it was an opportunity to spend some time with an old friend and that we went to a mill shop and excessively shopped for yarns.

Happy Studying…

… is not exactly what I am doing at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy studying. In fact when I have a whole day of work I am thrilled and excited because that’s a whole day I can spend with my books. And surprise, surprise I can get so much done in a whole day. The thing is just, the last time I had a full day off is…well I cannot even remember how long ago. Work is not bad either. I enjoy it more and more and am quite an accepted part of the team, you know one you can joke with and all. So that is fine and fun as well. I just wish I had more time for studying. And I am not even under too much pressure with part-time studying and all. But I would prefer if I’d be able to see more progress. Of course, my review was fine, and that consoled me for a while. But now I am back to…’you are never going to get anywhere.’

Which, of course is not entirely true. My next paper to be presented at a conference is coming up next week and it is all ready and I am very excited about it. I think two papers in one year at two international conferences are not too bad. So this is at least something. And I am also going to get to spend some time with a friend from St. Andrews whom I have not seen for a while and who is going to be at the conference as well. So I guess we’ll have a great time. And we even planned to visit a wool factory. Both of us are enthusiastic knitters, so that is going to be great!

I hope reading this did not depress you all. You know that deap in my heart I am an optimist and I am sure that all will be fine again shortly. So keep it up and enjoy reading my blog!

Language, or the fascination of Glaswegian

When I first moved to Glasgow and someone talked to me, I often wondered, “was this English?” By now, I have come to the conclusion that Glaswegian is an extreme form of Scottish which might have English roots, but that’s it.

When I did my first degree back in Germany, I took a class in Middle Scots and was utterly fascinated by how different it was from Middle English. However, I never expected to find a living language that is so different from English and yet is supposedly a form of English. There are not only words that are different, but the pronunciation and melody are entirely un-English.

Well, Glaswegian is pretty much as my German dialect “schwäbisch”, if you talk fast enough nobody who doesn’t speak the dialect will be able to understand you. That’s why I am quite proud that after 10 months of listening and talking to Glaswegians, I am finally able to understand people- well at least if I can look them in the face and lipread

But honestly, I am getting asked for directions (or fags) in the streets of Glasgow and I am finally able to reply. Of course then people get sceptical- “Do we want to trust this person wih the strong Geman accent? She does not sound Glaswegian at all, does she really know where she sends us?” That’s at least what I imagine they might think.

But what is even worse, I, like many others, had to study English at school, which, of course, involves learning an enormous set of rules! You try to learn and memorize and maybe even understand them and then of course to use them in order to finally speak and write English properly.

AND THEN YOU GO TO GLASGOW!!!

Where people say things like “What are you wanting?” “Rebecca has did that” “It has took me five hours to do that…” And you wonder whyever you bothered sticking to the rules. Well, of course your marks at school would have suffered consicerably, but appart from that… Who needs them? Definitely not Glaswegians.

OK, but that is still not the worst part of it all. I have lately discovered that my brain is using patterns of Glaswegian when thinking. For example, a couple of weeks ago I thought, “Who has did that?” Or something like it. I was shocked accordingly, and my brain took countermeassures before uttering the sentence, so my teachers back home can still be proud of me. But who knows how long it is going to take till the little aliens -or in this particular case, Glaswegians- in my head will take over and I will start saying or writing down things like that? What will my supervisors say? And it is not too far fetched either. I have started pronouncing words Glaswegian style ages ago. I don’t even know how to pronounce eight (‘eeht’) or three (thrrrrree’) properly, anymore. And last week I even officially started using ‘aye’ instead of yes. My colleagues find that rather amusing and every time I say ‘aye’ they either laugh or I can hear a choir of ‘ays’ behind my back. However, I had a compliment as well. ‘You start talking real Scottish now!’ At least I think it was supposed to be a compliment. I don’t mind the laughter and choir either, I know they love me anyway. Well, at least as long as I keep teaching them German swearwords- which of course we Germans do not use at all…ever…German is a very polite language, after all I ried to teach them ‘Alter vor Schönheit’ which translates as ‘age before beauty’ and whatever they said was definitely not German, so I guess I can be content that at least I can understand what they are telling me (most of the time) and reply without them having to guess what I am saying.

Appart from all the difficulties, I really like Glaswegian. As I mentioned before, it reminds me of my own dialect, and maybe, just maybe, it makes me feel a little bit more at home away from home.

I came up with a couple of new examples:

“My brother telled me a joke last night”

Glaswegians aldon’t seem to be too keen on the plural indicator s

“two saussage roll, please” Well if your lucky you’ll get the “please”

“I’ve been working here for 15 year“

I’ll keep you posted if I come across something new…

Another wee update: Glaswegians love to give you names, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. Of course they swear a lot, too and sometimes there are more f***s in a sentence than anything else, but this is not what I meant to tell you. They like to call people (even total strangers) for men mate and pal, and for women darling, pet, or hen. I don’t know about you, but for me it really took some getting used to.

Oh and they like to use yous as plural of you….what would the grammar book say?