It feels as if I have not written any thoughts down for this blog forever, and probably this is true. First I did not want to write because things were not going all that well. All our plans were overturned by Ben not getting the job in Germany we were so hoping for. Then we had trouble with our noisy neighbor again and in total we were quite frustrated. So I decided not to write about it. I think I put enough frustration in this blog as it is and it is time for a change.
So we decided to make this change and are currently searching for a better flat (or at least a better area). I also decided to apply for another job. It is an internal application within the company I am working for already so with a bit of luck that might even happen. All in all if we are successful all will be better. So keep your fingers crossed that we will be moving in August and then I will finally have time to concentrate on my studies again, which now are pretty much put on hold, except for the conference preparations I am occupied with at the moment. I will attend one conference in July and one in October and so far this is all I have planned for the rest of this year. And then I will finish the thesis before the end of next year. Ambitious?! I know, but I need to get it done, or I never will!
July 16, 2009
This has been a really good week for me! For the first time in quite a long time I was really happy with the progress I made in one week. Seems that the excitement about starting a new chapter has led to really good motivation and resulted in an excellent work flow. I just hope that it is going to stay that way as I rather prefer being content with what I’ve done to thinking that I could have done more. I also had an interview at my department for a GTA position, which I really thought did not go all that well. But here we go, next term I will have the chance to teach. And this gets me even more excited. So if you should meet on campus, be careful, I might just about be ready to burst with all the excitement.
June 7, 2009
For almost two weeks I have been having a cold now, which is quite unfortunate when you think of all the lovely sunshine. My colleagues at work keep asking me, ‘why are you wearing a scarf, it’s way too warm for that!’ Well, I know but my throat obviously doesn’t and it does not want to get better, either. But I can breathe a wee bit better now again, and do not wake up every 5 minutes because I think I might suffocate. I also am busily working away, both at work and on my theses, so I do not have all that much time to regret all that sunshine or my red nose in here. I am still excited about this new chapter and think it is going to be fabulous. There you have it, a tiny tad of self-confidence from me. Anyway, I wish you all a very nice summer with more lovely sunshine!
May 31, 2009
This week has been really good. A lot of sun to enjoy, not too much work so that I could concentrate on the studying part of life and a new chapter ahead about which I am really excited. I have not even finished reading the novel about which it will be, yet, and already there are so many possibilities presenting themselves that I cannot wait to dig my claws in 
Apart from that I have a sore throat and what one of my friends would call a head cold but I guess that is all the more reason to stay in and read. Yesterday Ben and I went to see ‘Night at the Museum 2′ which was a good lough. The movie is really fast paced and there is hardly time to get bored plus it is hilariously funny. At least if you like this sort of humour. Ben and I really enjoyed it and in parts I was laughing tears.
And that’s it for this week. Have fun and enjoy the lovely weather!
May 24, 2009
I did not have a very good week this week. Of course this happens to all of us, but just as I thought that I had really gotten the hang of my time management, I got sick. I was off work for two days and I slept most of the time. Probably I needed it, too. But still, it shows you that if something unexpected happens your lists and plans go just out the window and you fall considerably behind. And that doesn’t make you feel good either.
Then I went back to work today just to be sent home again, as the assistant manager had not told the manager that I would be back today, despite the fact that I had called to let them know, and she covered my shift. That made me so mad especially as it was not my fault but it is going to be my loss as I really need the money. But, of course I cannot help that now.
On the other hand it gave me the opportunity to catch up a little, which I did. So possibly I should just see the bright side. Another good thing that happened this week is that Maya finally got her stitches taken out so that she got rid of that collar as well. She is really happy now.
Apart from that, this is a week better not to be remembered.
February 28, 2009
Ben decided that we might clean out our closet today. Well, really he suggested next Sunday but as I am working the next three Sundays we thought we might as well do it today. And it is amazing what kind of things you keep just because you think you might use them again, such as old modems, cables you do not even know what they belong to etc. Well, our closet is cleaned out now, the rubbish bins are full but we feel a lot better and lighter. Maybe the Feng Shui people are not all that wrong when they claim that the soul profits when your house is declattered.
Uni-wise I have spent a lot of time in the library lately, which is quite new to me, as I prefer taking books home and studying on my desk. But I was attending a couple of very interesting computer courses- which, by the way, I really loved. I never thought that I might ever become even slightly interested in the workings of a PC, but there you go, now I want to learn as much as I can about them.
I also used my time in the library to read an 1830 edition of a book (obviously the only edition there is) in Special collections and I must say I love it up there on level 12. Apart from being quite cold every time I leave, the room is fabulous and the view over the city is something else. Not that it is overlooking a particularly beautiful bit of Glasgow, but you are so high up and able to see houses from the top that you would regard as really high when passing them on the street. One day was really sunny and I enjoyed being able to at least look out the window and see the sun while studying. A definite improvement from my workplace, where I never see the sun. The good thing about that is that I do, of course, never see the rain as well, except for when the people who enter the shop are completely soaked
So I am planning to get my next chapter (or the draft) finished this month and then go ahead full speed so that I might still finish this d**n thesis in the time I had originally planned for it (3 years that is). So wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed that my spirits remain in their current high!
Oh and I thought I might give you a treat and show you a picture of Maya. She has grown so much now, she is almost a ‘real’ cat:
February 1, 2009
Last week. I told Ben that I thought it was going to be an early spring. I had good proof for it, too. Maya is starting to change her coat- lots of tiny cat hair everywhere- and the bulbs I planted in November, start to grow. Well, the next day it was snowing. So what I am supposed to make of that? I am not so sure about an early spring anymore (maybe it was only wishful thinking in the first place). On the other hand I am immensely enjoying the sunny weather today.
But let’s not talk about the weather. There is one thing I am very sure about: I’ve got to speed up writing and researching for my thesis. I am so sure for three reasons:
1. I can feel that I am working too slowly.
2. My supervisors told me so.
3. Ben wants to be back home by the end of 2010, and I do not intend to leave things unfinished.
So I am in a bit of a dilemma: I know myself that I have to work more and faster. But how to you do that if you constantly feel that you are running out of time? I think my time management skills have really improved during this last year. And yet there are still only 24 hours in my day. I am always tired and either work-working or thesis-working. Then Ben (and Maya) want(s) a bit of attention too, once in a while. Hardly any time for myself as it is. So if you have any good advise, please send it my way, I appreciate it.
Nothing much has happened in the last two weeks. I have been accepted to present papers at two more conferences, which I am now trying to organize: transport, accommodation, time off work, writing the papers… It is really hard – if you have to work and only get 21 days paid holidays- to get all this worked out, because in the end there are not too many days left to take a real holiday, which you really really need by then. In addition to conferencing, this year my favourite cousin is getting married back in Germany and Ben’s brother and girlfriend are having a baby in summer, so there will be a lot of travelling back and forth. I have no idea how this is all going to work out. But, of course, it will because it has to.
On this note, I wish you all a very merry and productive early spring, even if it should arrive a little later 
January 25, 2009
With the first half of January almost over (can you believe it) I finally wish everybody a very happy new year! Again I have to apologise for a very long silence. But this is the first year in which I ever thought of some good intentions for the next year and -surprise surprise- blogging on a more regular basis is one of them. Well, I guess by March we’ll see how it goes.
So, what happened in the meantime? I have realized that sometimes reading too much is not good for you. And I do not mean that in a counteracademic way. Of course reading is very important, especially for a degree in literature, but if you read too much and take notes and notes and notes and finally you just lose it. Now guess who lost it???
Right, so I read a lot, took a lot of notes and when I finally sat down to write the chapter, I just sat and stared and sat and stared but of course the srceen did’t tell me what to write. And it was not that I was blocked either. My mind was no blank. Instead it was full of so many ideas that I just didn’t know where to start. Luckily then I had to write a conference paper which greatly distracted me from the actual work on the chapter. The conference took place in early January. Another huge international conference at which all the ‘grown up’s’ as I like to call them and their wide knowledge of basically everything greatly impressed and at the same time really scared me. But my paper was received well (probably due to only one person in the audience knowing only one of the three texts I was talking about). And I am convinced that my talking skills are improving and that I am stuttering less while presenting the paper. And if I say that about myself it must be true.
A funny thing that happened there was somebody asking me for the way or something and my reply started with ‘Aye,…’ Imagine how they stared at me. Amazingly I never thought I would adapt to the Scottish lingo so quickly, understanding it yes, but actively using it…well, there you go. After the presentation I was even told, that my English now even sounds a bit Scottish. Do you think congratulations are in order??? I just keep wondering how people who come to Scotland to learn English get on in the world…any thoughts?
So, the conference went well and now I will have to have another go at the chapter. So wish me luck. I need it as another of my good intentions is to have 3 more chapters ready until the next annual review. I don’t know How I got that idea, but as I intend to be done by the end of 2010, I probably should get going.
Before the conferenc two important days were celebrated. The birth of Christ which I mainly spent in bed…no not because I am exceptionally lazy these days…but because I was struck down with a sever case of the flu. So severe indeed, that on the 24th the manager at work sent me away from the tills so as not to have too much customer contact (she wanted to protect the customers from my running nose, not me from the customers…) and my assistant manager repeatedly asked me if I wanted to go home. Funnily enough, I still felt quite good then. But as soon as I got home and had three days off my body decided that now was a good time to knock me out. So I spent Christmas drinking tea (I even had to make a pass on the mulled wine my mum had sent me) and contemplating the lights of our beautiful Christmas tree from the sofa where I lay wrapped in a blanket… But safe your compassion, after only 3 weeks I finally got rid of my running nose and now everything is back on track. After all that fortune cookie I ate said ’soon you’ll be sitting on top of the world.’ which I thought sounded really good at least until Ben said, ‘but it’s really cold on Mount Everest’. Which of course is worth some consideration.
And then we celebrated the arrival of the new year. And what a year it is going to be with Obama Barack becoming the first Afro-American president of the United States, the Credit Crunch being actively fought by several nations, Russia being a madhouse and the Israelis and Palestinians fighting on and on and on….and this only to name but a few…
Let’s hope that despite all this it is going to be a good year for all of us. Productive, successful, peaceful and harmonious and that some leaders of the world finally decide just that for their own countries.
So again, I wish every single one of you a very happy new year!!!!
January 13, 2009
I am really sorry that I have been silent for so long. But nothing much has happened or changed in my life. Except that my frustration is growing. I applied for several jobs in and around the university just so that I could be closer to the library and wouldn’t have to travel around the world anymore to get from my job to my studying. But obviously there is no such luck. I expected to be declined for the teaching job I have mentioned in my last blog and so I did. As I expected it, I wasn’t too disappointed. But I applied for several other jobs and was not even invited for an interview. Most of them did not require specific experience or only experience I had acquired, so I did not really understand the ’sorry there were several other applicants who matched our criteria better’ bit of the letters I got in return. I start to feel that it is my being a non-native speaking foreigner that influences my employability and if this should really be the case I’d find it incredibly sad.
On the other hand, my social life is not improving either. This is mostly due to my lack of time, the distance I live from Glasgow and studying part-time. I would love to get involved in esharp, but as I could work up to 5.30 each day of the week (and the rotas change every week) I would be likely to miss most of the meetings. I thought of getting involved in the SRC but then again the same problem would arise, I would most likely not make it to the meetings, which would be rather pointless as attendance is a requirement. But for me undfortunately work has to come first (well really studying has) as I am still self-funded, so I do not ask for a day off unless it is for a conference or something of equal importance. Then I had the chance to finally meet people at the postgraduate reception of the English Literature department, but a migraine confined me to my bed instead of the research club. The next day the e-mentors had a get together at the same venue but I had to work. This all adds up to growing frustrations. Especially as I start to suspect that I might not finish my PhD project in the time frame I have set for it. Achieving this aim would probably have made it worthwhile cutting out all other aspects of my life. But as it is frustrations are growing.
The only good thing that happened during the last couple of weeks is a Personal Development Planning workshop I attended, during which I realized that I have a fairly good idea of where I am and where I want to be in two years time and thereafter. This cheered me up a little, as well as the fact that due to paying for my studies myself, I seem a lot more motivated than most of my fellow students.
So it is not all bad. And I am looking very much forward to Christmas, and pre-Christmas baking. This will cheer me up some more, and as I don’t intend to give up that easily, you will have to bear with me for quite another while!
I hope everybody else is enjoying the new term and the beautifully remodelled Hetherington Research Club. I think they’ve done a really great job and I hope that I will spend more time there than I did last year.
October 29, 2008
This weekend I attended my second ever conference. The title was ‘Contesting Creativity 1740-1830.’ So this time it was really and not only vaguely connected with my subject area, Romanticism. I presented a paper with the title ‘The Last Man: Society, Solitude and Creativity.’ It went quite well, although I was really tired, as the night before some very rude people were shouting at each other in front of our hotel and keeping me and probably the rest of the street awake. I was although very nervous- I always am- and accordingly stuttering my way through it. The questions I got asked where all right, except for one, which I should have expected but didn’t, and this one was gender related. I don’t know why, but I seem to be developing an aversion to gender studies. So I just answered that I try to avoid gender and to my surprise, they liked that
In total this conference had two effects on me: on the one hand it was absolutely inspiring and made me want to know more and more. On the other hand I was quite overwhelmed by all the ‘grown-ups’ and important people. It made me feel really small and rather insignificant. And I was again painfully aware that my English is not as good as I’d wish it to be.
That I am either working or studying all the time does not seem to help either, as networking is quite an important part of conferences, and I do, as a consequence of the above, not really know any more how to socialize properly. This really makes my life sound dreadfully sad.
But knowing myself this kind of depressing mood will not last too long and once it is put aside I will just get back to normal and try to do the best I can. I think this is all I can really hope for, as there is really no point in setting oneself goals that are totally unachievable.
One curiosity of the conference I would like to share: I was in a panel with a fully grown US Colonel who is deputy head of department of the School of English (if I remember correctly) in West Point. After the papers he told me that he really enjoyed my paper. I thought that was rather impressive. More positive criticism included that the paper is ahead of the stage I am actually at. So maybe it just feels as if I still knew nothing but in reality I do know at least a little something…
What was probably the best thing about the week end, was that it was an opportunity to spend some time with an old friend and that we went to a mill shop and excessively shopped for yarns.
September 16, 2008
