busy busy busy

These days I really feel like a very busy bee. Running from one place to another and trying to get everything done. I had so many appointments these last few weeks, and one week I worked 37,5 hours just at work. I am really having my first day off in three weeks today, of course I had days off work but these I spent at Uni, so you can imagine that I am quite exhausted now and very determined to enjoy my day off. It might after all be the only one for the next few weeks again

So what have I done? I went to various doctors appointments, I had a job interview but was never invited for trial work (kind of disappointing, but at least I have a job), Maya was neutered and does not want to leave her collar on. The first night she was home we had to take her to the emergency animal hospital because she was somersaulting so much that we were afraid she ripped open the internal wound. but she was fine. And apart from all this I almost finished my next chapter and developed a serious lack of sleep. But ever since Ben and I set a rough date when we want to go back home, I have been working really hard. Interesting what a bit of pressure can do. So if ever you feel like not getting on, try and set yourself a date. It might help!

Cleaning out my closet…

Ben decided that we might clean out our closet today. Well, really he suggested next Sunday but as I am working the next three Sundays we thought we might as well do it today. And it is amazing what kind of things you keep just because you think you might use them again, such as old modems, cables you do not even know what they belong to etc. Well, our closet is cleaned out now, the rubbish bins are full but we feel a lot better and lighter. Maybe the Feng Shui people are not all that wrong when they claim that the soul profits when your house is declattered.

Uni-wise I have spent a lot of time in the library lately, which is quite new to me, as I prefer taking books home and studying on my desk. But I was attending a couple of very interesting computer  courses- which, by the way, I really loved. I never thought that I might ever become even slightly interested in the workings of a PC, but there you go, now I want to learn as much as I can about them.

I also used my time in the library to read an 1830 edition of a book (obviously the only edition there is) in Special collections and I must say I love it up there on level 12. Apart from being quite cold every time I leave, the room is fabulous and the view over the city is something else. Not that it is overlooking a particularly beautiful bit of Glasgow, but you are so high up and able to see houses from the top that you would regard as really high when passing them on the street. One day was really sunny and I enjoyed being able to at least look out the window and see the sun while studying. A definite improvement from my workplace, where I never see the sun. The good thing about that is that I do, of course, never see the rain as well, except for when the people who enter the shop are completely soaked

So I am planning to get my next chapter (or the draft) finished this month and then go ahead full speed so that I might still finish this d**n thesis in the time I had originally planned for it (3 years that is). So wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed that my spirits remain in their current high!

Oh and I thought I might give you a treat and show you a picture of Maya. She has grown so much now, she is almost a ‘real’ cat:

Early Spring

Last week. I told Ben that I thought it was going to be an early spring. I had good proof for it, too. Maya is starting to change her coat- lots of tiny cat hair everywhere- and the bulbs I planted in November, start to grow. Well, the next day it was snowing. So what I am supposed to make of that? I am not so sure about an early spring anymore (maybe it was only wishful thinking in the first place). On the other hand I am immensely enjoying the sunny weather today.

But let’s not talk about the weather. There is one thing I am very sure about: I’ve got to speed up writing and researching for my thesis. I am so sure for three reasons:

1. I can feel that I am working too slowly.

2. My supervisors told me so.

3. Ben wants to be back home by the end of 2010, and I do not intend to leave things unfinished.

So I am in a bit of a dilemma: I know myself that I have to work more and faster. But how to you do that if you constantly feel that you are running out of time? I think my time management skills have really improved during this last year. And yet there are still only 24 hours in my day. I am always tired and either work-working or thesis-working. Then Ben (and Maya) want(s) a bit of attention too, once in a while. Hardly any time for myself as it is. So if you have any good advise, please send it my way, I appreciate it.

Nothing much has happened in the last two weeks. I have been accepted to present papers at two more conferences, which I am now trying to organize: transport, accommodation, time off work, writing the papers… It is really hard – if you have to work and only get 21 days paid holidays- to get all this worked out, because in the end there are not too many days left to take a real holiday, which you really really need by then. In addition to conferencing, this year my favourite cousin is getting married back in Germany and Ben’s brother and girlfriend are having a baby in summer, so there will be a lot of travelling back and forth. I have no idea how this is all going to work out. But, of course, it will because it has to.

On this note, I wish you all a very merry and productive early spring, even if it should arrive a little later

Happy New Year

With the first half of January almost over (can you believe it) I finally wish everybody a very happy new year! Again I have to apologise for a very long silence. But this is the first year in which I  ever thought  of some good intentions for the next year and -surprise surprise- blogging on a more regular basis is one of them. Well, I guess by March we’ll see how it goes.

So, what happened in the meantime? I have realized that sometimes reading too much is not good for you. And I do not mean that in a counteracademic way. Of course reading is very important, especially for a degree in literature, but if you read too much and take notes and notes and notes and finally you just lose it. Now guess who lost it???

Right, so I read a lot, took a lot of notes and when I finally sat down to write the chapter, I just sat and stared and sat and stared but of course the srceen did’t tell me what to write. And it was not that I was blocked either. My mind was no blank. Instead it was full of so many ideas that I just didn’t know where to start. Luckily then I had to write a conference paper which greatly distracted me from the actual work on the chapter. The conference took place in early January. Another huge international conference at which all the ‘grown up’s’ as I like to call them and their wide knowledge of basically everything greatly impressed and at the same time really scared me. But my paper was received well (probably due to only one person in the audience knowing only one of the three texts I was talking about). And I am convinced that my talking skills are improving and that I am stuttering less while presenting the paper. And if I say that about myself it must be true.

A funny thing that happened there was somebody asking me for the way or something and my reply started with ‘Aye,…’ Imagine how they stared at me. Amazingly I never thought I would adapt to the Scottish lingo so quickly, understanding it yes, but actively using it…well, there you go. After the presentation I was even told, that my English now even sounds a bit Scottish. Do you think congratulations are in order??? I just keep wondering how people who come to Scotland to learn English get on in the world…any thoughts?

So, the conference went well and now I will have to have another go at the chapter. So wish me luck. I need it as another of my good intentions is to have 3 more chapters ready until the next annual review. I don’t know How I got that idea, but as I intend to be done by the end of 2010, I probably should get going.

Before the conferenc two important days were celebrated. The birth of Christ which I mainly spent in bed…no not because I am exceptionally lazy these days…but because I was struck down with a sever case of the flu. So severe indeed, that on the 24th the manager at work sent me away from the tills so as not to have too much customer contact (she wanted to protect the customers from my running nose, not me from the customers…) and my assistant manager repeatedly asked me if I wanted to go home. Funnily enough, I still felt quite good then. But as soon as I got home and had three days off my body decided that now was a good time to knock me out. So I spent Christmas drinking tea (I even had to make a pass on the mulled wine my mum had sent me) and contemplating the lights  of our beautiful Christmas tree from the sofa where I lay wrapped in a blanket… But safe your compassion, after only 3 weeks I finally got rid of my running nose and now everything is back on track. After all that fortune cookie I ate said ’soon you’ll be sitting on top of the world.’ which I thought sounded really good at least until Ben said, ‘but it’s really cold on Mount Everest’. Which of course is worth some consideration.

And then we celebrated the arrival of the new year. And what a year it is going to be with Obama Barack becoming the first Afro-American president of the United States, the Credit Crunch being actively fought by several nations, Russia being a madhouse and the Israelis and Palestinians fighting on and on and on….and this only to name but a few…

Let’s hope that despite all this it is going to be a good year for all of us. Productive, successful, peaceful and harmonious and that some leaders of the world finally decide just that for their own countries.

So again, I wish every single one of you a very happy new year!!!!

After a long silence….

I am really sorry that I have been silent for so long. But nothing much has happened or changed in my life. Except that my frustration is growing. I applied for several jobs in and around the university just so that I could be closer to the library and wouldn’t have to travel around the world anymore to get from my job to my studying. But obviously there is no such luck. I expected to be declined for the teaching job I have mentioned in my last blog and so I did. As I expected it, I wasn’t too disappointed. But I applied for several other jobs and was not even invited for an interview. Most of them did not require specific experience or only experience I had acquired, so I did not really understand the ’sorry there were several other applicants who matched our criteria better’ bit of the letters I got in return. I start to feel that it is my being a non-native speaking foreigner that influences my employability and if this should really be the case I’d find it incredibly sad.

On the other hand, my social life is not improving either. This is mostly due to my lack of time, the distance I live from Glasgow and studying part-time. I would love to get involved in esharp, but as I could work up to 5.30 each day of the week (and the rotas change every week) I would be likely to miss most of the meetings. I thought of getting involved in the SRC but then again the same problem would arise, I would most likely not make it to the meetings, which would be rather pointless as attendance is a requirement. But for me undfortunately work has to come first (well really studying has) as I am still self-funded, so I do not ask for a day off unless it is for a conference or something of equal importance. Then I had the chance to finally meet people at the postgraduate reception of the English Literature department, but a migraine confined me to my bed instead of the research club. The next day the e-mentors had a get together at the same venue but I had to work. This all adds up to growing frustrations. Especially as I start to suspect that I might not finish my PhD project in the time frame I have set for it. Achieving this aim would probably have made it worthwhile cutting out all other aspects of my life. But as it is frustrations are growing.

The only good thing that happened during the last couple of weeks is a Personal Development Planning workshop I attended, during which I realized that I have a fairly good idea of where I am and where I want to be in two years time and thereafter. This cheered me up a little, as well as the fact that due to paying for my studies myself, I seem a lot more motivated than most of my fellow students.

So it is not all bad. And I am looking very much forward to Christmas, and pre-Christmas baking. This will cheer me up some more, and as I don’t intend to give up that easily, you will have to bear with me for quite another while!

I hope everybody else is enjoying the new term and the beautifully remodelled Hetherington Research Club. I think they’ve done a really great job and I hope that I will spend more time there than I did last year.

Summer is gone….

 

So now the summer is officially over (not hat we had much of a summer here) and everybody is back and busy again. For me this doesn’t mean too much of a change as I have been here and busy all summer. But now the campus is frighteningly full of young faces again which makes me painfully aware of how old I am getting and also miss the quiet and peaceful campus.

Apart from that my first year was officially over the day before yesterday. So I took out the folder in which I had outlined the first three years of my studies, about a year ago. And to be honest, I am nowhere near where I wanted to be. Of course, I designed this outline when I was still studying full-time. So maybe I should not be too hard on me. On the other hand I am still trying to finish this PhD in as short a time as possible.

Also I was invited for a job interview for a very interesting tutoring programme. It was not really an interview but rather an assessment centre. So there were 6 of us trying to solve various tasks in small groups, presenting the result and each of us had to present something we had prepared for the purpose. I thought it was not going to badly, until the two persons who were interviewing (in lack of a better word) us mentioned that they had at least 4 more groups to deal with before they could make a decision. So they had 30 or more people to pick from. This was when I realized that I would not get a new job too soon, and one that would look great on my CV into the bargain. But well, I’ve got a job, so this is not the end of the world.

As to my present job: I was really mad at my manager last week as she cu my hours to 15. That just did not make me feel appreciated. As long as she was short-staffed we were working our butts off and doing 30+ hours to help her out, and then she hires so much new staff that we all only get minimum hours (16) and me even less than that. So I sent out some more applications but I have not heard anything, yet. And by now my hours have gone up to 19, which is not too bad.

I had this weekend of as well, which felt really great, as I didn’t have a full weekend of in ages! All in all I think I should focus more on my studies, but I am not doing too badly. I also had another paper accepted for a big international conference in January next year. So there you go, life’s still good. And I am looking forward to a very productive new year.

Oh and here a bit of funny news: I have started my Christmas (yes, it’s just around the corner!) knitting now and I have already completed a pair of socks and a hat.

To all of you: enjoy the new year! And to all who are new to Uni, make the most of your very first year here!!!

Global Networking

This weekend I attended my second ever conference. The title was ‘Contesting Creativity 1740-1830.’ So this time it was really and not only vaguely connected with my subject area, Romanticism. I presented a paper with the title ‘The Last Man: Society, Solitude and Creativity.’ It went quite well, although I was really tired, as the night before some very rude people were shouting at each other in front of our hotel and keeping me and probably the rest of the street awake. I was although very nervous- I always am- and accordingly stuttering my way through it. The questions I got asked where all right, except for one, which I should have expected but didn’t, and this one was gender related. I don’t know why, but I seem to be developing an aversion to gender studies. So I just answered that I try to avoid gender and to my surprise, they liked that

In total this conference had two effects on me: on the one hand it was absolutely inspiring and made me want to know more and more. On the other hand I was quite overwhelmed by all the ‘grown-ups’ and important people. It made me feel really small and rather insignificant. And I was again painfully aware that my English is not as good as I’d wish it to be.

That I am either working or studying all the time does not seem to help either, as networking is quite an important part of conferences, and I do, as a consequence of the above, not really know any more how to socialize properly. This really makes my life sound dreadfully sad.

But knowing myself this kind of depressing mood will not last too long and once it is put aside I will just get back to normal and try to do the best I can. I think this is all I can really hope for, as there is really no point in setting oneself goals that are totally unachievable.

One curiosity of the conference I would like to share: I was in a panel with a fully grown US Colonel who is deputy head of department of the School of English (if I remember correctly) in West Point. After the papers he told me that he really enjoyed my paper. I thought that was rather impressive. More positive criticism included that the paper is ahead of the stage I am actually at. So maybe it just feels as if I still knew nothing but in reality I do know at least a little something…

What was probably the best thing about the week end, was that it was an opportunity to spend some time with an old friend and that we went to a mill shop and excessively shopped for yarns.

Happy Studying…

… is not exactly what I am doing at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy studying. In fact when I have a whole day of work I am thrilled and excited because that’s a whole day I can spend with my books. And surprise, surprise I can get so much done in a whole day. The thing is just, the last time I had a full day off is…well I cannot even remember how long ago. Work is not bad either. I enjoy it more and more and am quite an accepted part of the team, you know one you can joke with and all. So that is fine and fun as well. I just wish I had more time for studying. And I am not even under too much pressure with part-time studying and all. But I would prefer if I’d be able to see more progress. Of course, my review was fine, and that consoled me for a while. But now I am back to…’you are never going to get anywhere.’

Which, of course is not entirely true. My next paper to be presented at a conference is coming up next week and it is all ready and I am very excited about it. I think two papers in one year at two international conferences are not too bad. So this is at least something. And I am also going to get to spend some time with a friend from St. Andrews whom I have not seen for a while and who is going to be at the conference as well. So I guess we’ll have a great time. And we even planned to visit a wool factory. Both of us are enthusiastic knitters, so that is going to be great!

I hope reading this did not depress you all. You know that deap in my heart I am an optimist and I am sure that all will be fine again shortly. So keep it up and enjoy reading my blog!

Annual Progress Review

For me this was a very busy week. I was working for 6 days straight- which I find very tiresome- and I had my first annual progress review. This proved less spectacular than I thought it would be. It really just meant that my supervisors found another member of staff who had to read what I had written so far. Then we all met, my supervisors took notes, the third person talked most of the time and evaluated my work. I was asked very few questions and it was all rather informal. The essence of criticism was that my chapter was “a solid piece of work” (as long as that does not mean you could kill somebody with it I am quite happy) which showed a “thorough understanding” of the text I was dealing with (Mary Shelley’s The Last Man). The third person gave me some useful hints as to formalities and proposed some additional reading material. After 45 minutes we all filled in and signed a formwhich has to be passed on to the faculty and that was pretty much it.

Now I am officially a continuing student of the University which is rather important, as I tried to book some IT courses earlier, which I was denied, as I could not be found in the University database, as I was not yet approved by the faculty as I hadn’t had my review yet. Funny enough, that did not keep the University from clearing my fee cheque But well, I guess that’s what you call bureaucracy!

I have also finished reading the novel about which I intend to write my next chapter- The Fortunes of Perkin Warbeck- and started reading secondary literature on that subject. This should not take too long, as I could only find 10 articles on it. I found the novel rather exciting, so I am naturally looking forward to digging in my teeth a little deeper.. I’d also like to find out about the historical background. This week I intend to finish the chapter layout and then I’ll see where it goes.

Apart from that I have a busy time ahead of me. The next conference is coming up and I have to give that paper some extra attention next week. It is complete but you know how you always find something to change.

Privately, life is not that exciting. I had to see the dentist twice. I get tired a lot again, as the days get shorter again. But all is well.

Ben starts his new job today and we are really excited about that. And Maya had her first vaccination. She was so tough, she didn’t even hiss or miaou when she got the injection. In three weeks time she will get a booster and then she will finally be ready to leave the house and go exploring outside. I think I will be more afraid then than her. But time will tell.

A propos time. It really is flying these days. I cannot believe that it is September already! Summer is almost gone (well, what we call summer) and it is only one month now, before my second year officially starts!

Talk about the weather

Last week absolutely nothing exciting happened. So I told that I had no idea what to write for the blog and he suggested now that we live in Great Britain I might as well talk about the weather.

So here it goes. This is really the most dreadful summer I have ever experienced. Not even the one we spent in New Zealand was worse- and it was supposed to be winter there. What makes it even worse is that my workplace has no windows, so that sometimes I do not even notice that there actually are some very few hours of sunshine. So if you have any ideas how to fight the gloomy, rainy weather and how to keep spirits up, please let me know!

Apart from that I am going to have my annual review next week and I am still curious about what is going to happen!

I am also invited for a job interview in September. However, this is only a temporary job, so I’m not getting too excited about it. Yet, it might be useful for the CV as it is teaching.

Currently; I am working too much, well not really, but I tend to get stupid shifts in the middle of the day so that I don’t get much Uni work done before and/or after. But it’s good for the money, of course- we never seem to have enough anyway.

Ben is going to start his new job on September 1 and Maya is going to get her first vaccination next week. Maybe this week is going to be more exciting